WETH’S SUMMER HAIKU MADNESS CONTEST SERIES 2011

Dearest Readers,
Welcome back to yet another round of Weth’s Summer Haiku Madness Contest Series!  For those unfamiliar with these proceedings, this is Weth’s ongoing mechanism for redistributing prizes that Weth has won, but for whatever reason has not incorporated into Weth’s life.

So how do you snag some of this stuff that Weth has won?  Simple – write a haiku, that being a form of poetry composed of three lines in a five-seven-five syllabic pattern, pertinent to the prize in question, and send it to Weth!

Last year, Weth experimented with a more free-form style where there were no specific prizes listed.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but that sort of left both y’all and Weth floundering a bit, such that not that many prizes got awarded.  Sorry about that.  Weth is reverting to the previous format, but with a bit of a new twist…
Listed below are several lovely prizes, all of which Weth won in some contest, sweepstakes, or the like.  For each prize listed, Weth will offer both a description of the prize, as well as an explication as to why Weth wishes to part with that particular, lovely item.  To enter for a chance to win any given prize, write a haiku that somehow obliquely references that prize.  Please note that you may submit only one entry a day, so choose which contests you wish to enter carefully.

In the past, Weth’s Celebrity Panel of Judges awarded all of the prizes sometime after the end of the summer.  The “twist” this year is that any given prize could be awarded at any given moment, based on whenever Weth receives an entry that Weth’s Celebrity Panel of Judges deems worthy.  So it behooves you to enter early and enter often!  Weth plans to add new contests as these initial prizes get awarded.  If you miss the free-form scheme of last year, well, you can always just send Weth a random haiku and hope for the best.
So start sending in your haiku entries today and perhaps you might - Win With Weth!
  ~  Weth  ~  

Category:  Technology

Contest #1  – a Wii Fit Plus

Prize Description:  it’s a little tilty-board thingy that you hook up to your Nintendo Wii system (not included) and play games, or activities, or something
Weth’s Explication:  OK, first off, Weth neither has nor wants a Wii.  Secondly, even if Weth did have a Wii, Weth would feel totally ridiculous teetering around on a little platform, simulating doing something.  If Weth wants to get fit, Weth will actually do a thing.  Weth isn’t going to wobble on a piece of lacquered plywood from China and call it “exercising”.
Enter contest 1

Contest #2  – two MegaMan NT Warrior BattleChip 5-Packs

Prize Description:  it’s two packs of five “chips” each, so ten total “chips”.  Weth doesn’t really know what the heck these things are or what they do.  They look sort of like SD Flash Cards, but slightly larger.  Perhaps they’re snacks for a robot?  Oh wait, there’s something on the packaging about inserting them into your “PET Personal Terminal”. 
Weth’s Explication:  As far as Weth can tell, Weth doesn’t have a “PET Personal Terminal”, so Weth doesn’t know how Weth would utilize these “chips”.
Enter contest 2

Category:  Apparel

Contest #3  – a Red Sox baseball cap

Prize Description:  it’s a hat; actually Weth has three of these to give away.  All three are dark color, “genuine” New Era hats with the red “B” for the Boston Red Sox logo on the front.  Made in China.  Two of them are dark blue and “100% polyester”, the other is a little closer to black, is “100% cotton” and has a sticker on it that says “WOMEN”.
Weth’s Explication:  Weth has already won some lovely, fitted Boston Red Sox caps that actually fit Weth’s enormous head, so Weth doesn’t really need these items and would love to share them with you.
Enter contest 3

Contest #4  –  Mountain Dew T-Shirt

Prize Description:  it’s a light blue T-shirt, size Medium.  There’s a “MTN DEW – Thin Ice” logo on the front.  Made in India.
Weth’s Explication:  Weth wouldn’t really look good in a Medium – trust Weth on this one.
Enter contest 4

Category:  Health & Beauty

Contest #5  –  Hair Colorant

Prize Description:  Actually, Weth has five different prizes to give away in this general category, being (a) a Fekkai® Salon Color kit in “Medium Golden Blonde”, (b) a coupon good for any Touch Of Gray® or Just For Men ® product, (c) a SoftSheen / Carson® Dark&Lovely® color kit in “Vivacious Red”, (d) a Just For Men® shampoo-in kit in “Medium Brown”, and (e) a Garnier® Nutrisse® Nourishing Color Creme in “Medium Reddish Brown”.  All of them are various sets of chemicals to alter the color of your hair.
Weth’s Explication: Besides being allergic to all those ® symbols, Weth is OK with the hair color that Weth has, such as it is.
Enter contest 5

Contest #6  –  Emily Elizabeth Jewelry “Gladiator Headband”

Prize Description:  it’s this thing you’d put on your head, apparently.  There’s this gold-plated cluster of leaves mounted to a band that would cling to the sides your head.  The Emily Elizabeth website describes this item as “A girly take on a gladiators [sic] headgear. Lovely for everyday wear or a wedding.”
Weth’s Explication:  Weth isn’t sure that “girly take on a gladiator’s headgear” is the look that Weth is going for, to the extent that Weth is going for a “look” at all.
Enter contest 6

Contest #7  –  NV Perricone MD Cosmeceuticals® Active Tinted Moisturizer

Prize Description:  it’s this 1.7 fl oz tube of dark beige cream.  SPF15.  “Tint – 02”
Weth’s Explication:  Weth prefers to be passively tinted.
Enter contest 7

Category:  Stuff

Contest #8  –  a baseball signed by Sadie the Dog

Prize Description:  um, yeah, it’s a standard-sized baseball.  In a nice cursive print on it is “Sadie”, with a small paw print next to it.
Weth’s Explication:  Weth is sort of weirded-out by the thought of dogs playing baseball, and just sort of wants this item to go away.
Enter contest 8

Contest #9  –  the CD “Learn to Live” by Darius Rucker

Prize Description:  it’s a compact disc of music by Darius Rucker.  Still in its wrapper.
Weth’s Explication:  Weth was never really clear on whether Mr. Rucker was, in fact, Hootie, or whether he was simply one of the Blowfish.  Either way, please take this away from Weth. 
Enter contest 9

Contest #10  –  “Holy Roller” by Julie Lyons

Prize Description:  it’s a book, apparently nonfiction, by a reporter who investigated a Dallas church’s “supernatural healing” and eventually became a member.
Weth’s Explication: This just sounds too spooky for Weth to read!
Enter contest 10